Backwards Britain is! But, before
I go all Yoda, let’s get some perspective on this. Recently I have noticed that
the government is more concerned with people coming into the country rather
than the British public itself, along with the fact that Tax rates are
ridiculous, jobs are being cut and Alistair Darling still hasn’t addressed his
eyebrow situation. Nevertheless, all of this has happened before, well apart
from the face hair.
Back then, in the 80’s, such
companies as British Leyland existed. Due to the ridiculous management, the
workers spent half their time churning out some fairly decent cars to start
with, but slowly they became as about as interesting and exciting as a damp
flannel, the Austin Allegro springs to mind, while the other spent on strike,
they never really had a chance of succeeding in the motor industry. Especially
when you consider the fact that Porsche had refined the brilliant 911 by that
time and were using it to dominate any competition they could find. It was like
comparing a hippo and a cheetah, or Eric Pickles, and a cheetah. You get my
point. Besides all of this some important engineering breakthroughs were made.
Yes they were boring, and I do mean, very boring, such as the first production
car with obscured windscreen wiper spindles, and the first car with sixteen
valves, four per cylinder ya’ know, were hammered together at the factory in
Longbridge.
Unfortunately, many British cars
were like this, as Clarkson would say ‘ambitious but rubbish.’ The equivalent
German rivals were much better machines. But, hang on a minute; all of this
backward, unwieldy, terribly built boringness is a good thing, especially to
the seventeen and eighteen year old. Not like I have been banging on about this
for a while now but when I’m 18 my plan is to change my Corsa, which has
developed another fault, for an MG MGF. I know that people will be frowning at
this point but bear with me.
The reason I don’t want a German
equivalent, such as a BMW Z3 or Z4, or a Mercedes-Benz SLK, well firstly it’s because
of how much more expensive they are, but more importantly, it’s because they
don’t have a heart. Now if you didn’t give up reading already some of you will
now be thinking ‘oh don’t be stupid, a car can’t have a heart blah blah blah…’
These people are probably the people that drive around in or are close to these
types of cars that don’t have a heart or soul. Don’t get me wrong, Mercedes’
and BMW’s are great cars and trust me I have driven them. Beautifully made and
impeccably engineered to achieve unrivalled levels of dullness. I honestly do
believe that some models you could use as medication. Put an ADHD overactive
child in there and they would be asleep in minutes.
The MGF might not be as well put
together as a Panzer tank with ten thousand airbags, or be as economical, or a
medicine, but it has character. The driver can feel everything through the seat
and the wheel, while the twin-cam K series Rover engine powers it along with
style and passion. Its handling resembles that of the original Mini, you know,
the one before the world went wonky. Alright
it has its foibles, such as the head gasket and hydro-gas suspension taken from
the Austin Metro, a BL car, but then so did the classic Jensen’s. Occasionally
during hard cornering, drivers would find that the oil pressure would drop
alarmingly. But the engine would never blow up because more than likely the
water pump would let go first. And, to be honest I see that as a handy safety
feature.
So really, it’s traditional for a
British car to go slightly wrong, but then so is it traditional to eat turkey
at Christmas, getting married in a church, and having eyebrows the same colour
as your hair. Just saying!
James
Sivill,
Columnist
year 13
